Marik Plays Bloodlines Part 2 - Transcript
Cast (In order of appearance): Marik Ishtar, characters from Troika's Vampire: The Masquerade, Yami Bakura. Date:10.3.2011 Time: 7:46 Special Title: Marik Plays Bloodlines Part 2 Transcript: ---- Marik: Previously, on The Vampire Diaries... an alleyway ''Homeless Man: Y-You got, you got some change, mister?'' Marik: You know, pal, you look like you need a change of pants more than you need actual change. I bet you smell like a dead person- and this is coming from an actual dead person! 'I do. But not for you.' ''Homeless Man: Asshole!'' Marik: Wait, what did you call me? I shall have words with your mother, young man! around Marik: Where is she? On second thoughts, I think I might just feed on your blood. the mans neck Marik: Mmm, that's good homeless person! Wait a minute! What the hell am I doing? man and proceeds to leave the alleyway and enter the street. Marik: It probably tastes like shattered dreams and despair. Geez, I can't believe that, on my first day as a vampire, I sucked off a hobo. Yami Bakura: Hahahahahahahaha! Marik: What? What's so funny, Bakura? Yami Bakura: Wha-What you said...just now! (Continues laughing) Marik: I don't get it. Nyeh, I bet it was that homeless guy that pissed on my bed-sheets. Wait, what the hell is that? Mercurio staggering up the stairs to his apartment and leaving behind a large bloodstain on the pavement. Marik: Uh-Oh! This has all the tell-tale signs of a vampire drive-by shooting! around at street. Marik: I'd better check in with my homies on the street! Because I have those...Homies. On the street. WHERE ARE YOU HOMIES ON THE STREET?! around Marik: Man, Tim Burton would love to live in a place like this: No sunlight, surrounded by freaks- Oh my god, what if that homeless guy was Tim Burton? I could have killed a national treasure! in conversation with man in front of a building ''Man: Oh, man! You! You're a vampire, aren't you?'' Marik: Oh, Gee! What gave it away? Uh, was it the copious amounts of blood dripping from my mouth? It was, wasn't it? What? Vampire? What the hell have you been smoking? ''Man: Come on! Oh, man; you are to! Don't bullshit me, man! Ha! Just...come clean, you know, I mean- oh, man! I ain't gonna tell no-one! It's okay, man! I wanna talk! '' Marik: Oh, god, this guy's the vampire equivalent of a fan-girl, isn't he? Alright then, let's talk. ''Man: Hell yeah! Oh, man! I knew it! I just- Oh, geez- I knew you were; I just could tell- '' Marik: Do you need a cigarette? ''Man: I just saw your teeth and I was like; 'Dammit!' It was like I could just sense you! The name's Knox Harrington. Pleasure to meet you. '' Marik: Yeah, how about I just glomp you right in the neck with my fangs? Would that be 'Kawaii Desu!' enough for you? The pleasure's all yours. Leave me alone, jackass. ''Knox: Hey, man! Just because I'm a ghoul and you're some cool vampire, you don't need to treat me like crap!'' Marik: Yes, I do. ''Knox: Kay? '' Marik: No. ''Knox: Oh, man. Get's me so agitated. '' Marik: I just drank the blood of a hobo! How do you think I feel? Just shut up and tell me what a ghoul is. ''Knox: Okay; calm down! Don't be such a dick! '' Marik: What?! ''Knox: Well, the way it was explained to me: Whenever a vampire lets a human drink some of their vampire blood, you'll get some of their vampire power. '' Marik: Dude, that sounds gay, even by vampire standards! ''Knox: You can heal up and that kind of stuff!'' strange movements with head and makes unintelligible sounds. Marik: What is that; vampire Tourettes? Look, this conversation has served no purpose! You sir, are a poor excuse for a homie on the street! Don't you mean "wannabe-vampire lowlifes"? ''Knox: I- uh- I... '' Marik: That's right; what are you gonna do about that, huh? ''Knox: Screw you! I don't need this! I just thought it'd be cool to talk to you, but I guess not! '' You guessed right. Marik: Yeah, by the way, good luck with the imminent alien invasion. I'm sure you'll make a perfectly good mindless drone. to walk on the footpath underneath a building. A man walks and, due to his close proximity with the avatar, is walking around strangely. Marik: Hey, dude! Did you hear what that guy called me? He called me a d- what the hell is wrong- Oh, I thought he was having a seizure there, for a second. a trashcan against a corner wall. A prostitute stands near it. He walks towards the bin. Marik: Oh, hey! A trashcan! This must be where that homeless guy lives! I'll call it 1 Homeless Lane. That is the address. prostitute. Marik: Oh, hey! Speaking of trash! ''Prostitute: Hey, baby. Looking for a date?'' Marik: Yeah, to be honest, I think I'd rather take my chances with the homeless guy; I think there'd be less chance of disease. No thanks, I'll pass. Character proceeds to walk up road. Marik: Well, at least we're keeping the place tidy! If there's one thing I can't stand, it's excess litter! a man lounging against a wall and approaches him. Marik: Oh, hey, look! It's Christian Bale! ''Man: Uh, yes? Is there something I can help you with?'' Marik: Christian Bale! I'm a huge fan! What the hell are you doing in Vampire World? What are you doing? ''Man: Waiting for that blasted tow truck I called an hour ago. talking. '' Marik: No, no, no. The correct answer was: 'I'm Batman.' Get it? Vampires? Bats? Do I have to do all the work for you, Christian Bale?! Ooh, I'd better get out of here before he gets pissed off at me for messing with his lights. Ah-Da-da-da-da-da! I'm outta here. Avatar continues to walk down the road. Marik: Anyway, I was talking about the whole litter situation. This one time, I was controlling someone against their will to destroy their best friend in cold blood, and I noticed that there was this this half-empty can of soda just lying there on the side-walk. It was just there! Anybody could have picked it up! I mean, I would have done it myself but...I was really thirsty and- you know what else? It didn't even taste good anymore! police man walks by Marik: And speaking of things that are completely ridiculous: Look, there's a police officer over there but he hasn't noticed the huge bloodstain right here on the freaking sidewalk! screen. Marik: It's not like it's hard to spot or anything! Nya, I guess I just have to take the law into my own hands...Like Batman! is in a hallway with apartments on either side. Classical music plays. Marik: You know, let's face it; I'm already a better Batman than Christian Bale...and George Clooney and Val Kilmer...and Michael Keaton. double doors but doesn't enter. Marik: Greetings! I am Vengeance, I am the night, I am Bat- close on their own accord. Marik: What the hell?! The door closed in my face! I am not having good luck with doors today. doors and enters Mercurio's apartment. He lies on the couch in the middle of the room. Marik: Man, I haven't seen this much blood since my twelfth birthday. ''Mercurio: Those mothers- Ripped me up... I'm dying here! '' Marik: Yeah, this is what happens when you tell Jack Bauer he throws like a girl. What happened to you? ''Mercurio: I got- I went- Uh, what is this-Ugh! Is this my rib? '' Marik: No, that's your penis. ''Mercurio: Shit, my rib is poking through my side?! '' Marik: No, no, your penis is poking through your side. ''Mercurio: You gotta look and tell me. '' Marik: Dude! I don't care how wasted I am on hobo blood; I'm not looking at your junk! No, no, don't give me that look. It's a broken bottle. Now tell me what happened to you. ''Mercurio: God damn chemist; can't trust any operators in L.A. I verified him, organisation seemed reliable. '' Marik: Oh, it was Scientologists that did this; that makes sense. ''Mercurio:...Occasionally does explosives. I set up a drop. I show up at the beach with the money, right? Four of these guys, they come out of nowhere! Junky pricks; hit me with a bat! '' Marik: Shouted something about Zenu. ''Mercurio: It feels like I got a freaking horse kicking it. Those...cock-suckers. Beat me rotten; left me for a stiff. '' Marik: Well, stop bringing up your penis! ''Mercurio:... Got in my car, crawl my ass up here- the vamp blood's the only thing holding me together. But, shit, they got the money, they got the astrolite- '' Marik: Oh, no! Not the astrolite- whatever the hell that is! Vamp blood? ''Mercurio: Right, you're straight off the bus. Once a month, I get fed vampire blood- '' Marik: Ew! That's like drinking recycled urine! I mean, no matter how much you tell yourself that it's good for you, it doesn't work because it's still gross! Uh, not that I'm speaking from experience, or anything. Did you learn anything in all that time, genius? ''Mercurio: You think I'm some amateur? I got their number. Small time sons of bitches live out in some dump on the beach''. (Continues talking) Marik: Oh, cool, I can work on my tan! How do I get there? Marik: Wait: I'm a vampire. I no longer have a tan...NOOOOOOOO! This is even worse than when the astrolite went missing! ''Mercurio:..Down the street, take the parking lot stairs down to the beach...on the right. Those better not be some of my last words. '' Marik: I dunno; it's a vast improvement over 'Please look at my penis.' Anything else? ''Mercurio: You gotta- You gotta get it back from them, maybe reason with them, maybe break in- I dunno. I wanna kill them. Do whatever you people do! '' I can't believe the prince trusted an idiot like you. Marik: Whaddya mean; 'You people?!' Geez, it's not enough that you're lying there in a pool of your own blood, and you just had to go and play the race card, didn't you? I mean, do you have any idea how hard it is for a vampire in today's society? We're the biggest minority there is! Sure you could have. You're a spineless coward. ''Mercurio: I blew it, believe me, I know, in more ways then you can imagine... '' Marik: I don't know, I can imagine some pretty vivid blowing. ''Mercurio: ...But you gotta listen to me. If anyone finds out, I'm a dead man. Keep quiet about this, and I can get you what you need: Guns, ammo, anything! You gotta trust me! '' I'll think about it. Bye. Marik: Yeah, like I wanna buy weapons from a giant racist! around apartment briefly. Marik: Man, this guy's living pretty up-scale and cushy for a guy who sucks down vampire blood night after night. No wonder Christian Bale hangs around outside his house. He probably looks inside the windows, all like; 'Man, I wish my lifestyle were that pretentious! apartment and heads for front doors. Marik: Forget this place! I'm gonna go find something to eat! And, by that, I mean something that doesn't taste like neglect! screen. Marik: Man, I'd kill for some elevator music right now. B02